Man is it hot in Arizona. They have misters outside all the shops to spray water over the customers because they don't want them to die from heat exhaustion before they reach their credit limits on those cards. Before the show I go shopping with Jim. We need some tacky useless shit to take home for our loved ones. My dad (the Reverend D Clayden) likes hats, so I buy him a Tempe Sun Devils baseball cap. I'm sure he's going to love that.
I already got my Mum a jewellery box with a picture of Elvis shaking hands with President Nixon on the top from Gracelands. I thank you. That's possibly the classiest piece of tacky shit on the planet. I'm such a good son. Jim buys his Dad a paper weight with a scorpion encased within in. Classy.
The show is amazing. It's a 750 capacity venue totally sold out. There are a lot of goths in the crowd which I find unusual for somewhere so hot. How the hell can you walk around in the desert with a full length black leather overcoat and face paint? There must be pools of melted goth on e
very street corner. The ones who couldn't make it back to their coffin. People must tread in them like melted chewing gum stuck to their boots. "look out! melting goth!"
For the first time in my musical career underwear is hurled at me from the crowd. Someone threw a black lacy underwired bra at me while we were playing. I couldn't see who it was because of the bright lights. She could have been a doll, she could have been a beast. I guess I'll never know. That thing was big though. I don't really know that much about bras being your average dumb male, but that thing looked sizeable. 'C' or a 'D'? whatever the hell those letters mean. That thing looks like it could be WAY further down the alphabet. We're talkin Omega here. It's hanging up in the bus somewhere. A shrine to fast living. After the show I give the rest of the band the slip and run off with a car full of people I just met to a live hip hop night at a little local hideaway. The tunes were fat, the break dancing was funny, the pitchers were unending. Before I knew it I was up there dance hall style whooping it up with B boys and girls. Wiggle and wine! Back on the bus I ask Stilly (Pitchshifter's stage tech) what the gig is going to be like tomorrow because he's done it before.
"Last time I came here with the band Carcass someone threw a bag ofmushrooms up on the stage at Geoff the singer."
"Cool."
"Yeah, only it wasn't a bag of mushrooms."
"No? What was it then?"
"A dead rat."
Viva Las Vegas?
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